Saturday, March 6, 2010

Keepin' It Real

I feel an apology for my extended absence would serve no real purpose as my posts have become seemingly more and more infrequent, and--let's be honest--no one is exactly salivating in anticipation for the next daily vanity installment.

So here I am, two full months into a new year and a new decade with a lot more promise than the last (year, at least). With a diagnosis of my illness came new found hope and a reenergization that was greatly needed to say the least. Under treatment, my pain has largely subsided, and even though two months in there continue to be good and bad days, I am thankful for being able to get out of bed in the morning tear free. The promise of a full recovery is there. It can't come fast enough.

Partial reason for the lack of postings has been health (specifically blah) related, but there's some fun excuses too, like the fact that Manolis has been spending the past three weeks with me! I've barely parted from him enough to make a phone call or update the facebook. The only reason I'm finding myself with time to fill right now is that I'm working at the Cranberry Crazy Mocha and he's hijacked my car to watch the Arsenal (his football club) at Piper's Pub in the South Side. He departs Tuesday and even though I am sad to see him go, especially because the dates of my next visit to see him are up in the air, there is some comfort in the knowledge that with better health comes greater responsibility and expectation. I need to use this time to get into gear, bust ass, and land a decent paying job.

The job search is so depressing. Apply, apply, apply and not even so much as a rejection. Did you get my resume? Apparently you do need to hire someone since you don't even have enough manpower to forward a prepared rejection notice. Fuck.

I really have a lot to be thankful for, though, even in the employment department. You see, I'm on a very strict budget and I need to make a specific (and somewhat astronomical given the circumstances) amount of cash a month to keep the bill collectors at bay. Between the student loans rollin' in (and f u Sallie Mae), the car payment skyrocketing after that major repair resulting in me taking out a greater loan, and the debt of good times past, I'm barely making it by the skin of my teeth. That said, the moment my hours get cut at my good paying job, the lesser gig steps up and needs me working more hours. I'm not cruising comfortably in the search for a career, but I am making it. And that's saying a lot.

Sometimes I am amazed at the sheer amount of thinking the human mind can accommodate. Between worrying about my health and just remembering all of the things I have to do related to it (don't even get me started on insurance companies), finances, job search, relationships, etc., I still find the time to reflect on my age and the passing seasons of one's life. Yeah, you're right, cut through the bs. What I'm saying is all my friends and family are getting married and having babies--all of them. And it's not freaking me out, and it's not making me feel like that's what I need to be doing. But it is making me think. A lot. And about a lot of things. The passing of time is relentless; all succumb to its power. I just hope I'm doing the best with what I've got because one thing is for sure, there are no sure things. And there's especially no second chance for your use of time. I worry about being caught up in the minor details that are practically designed to suck the life out of you. It's a shame things are the way that they are. We really do work so hard and certainly not only professionally. I just hope there's a good return...

1 comment:

The Elliot Girl said...

Yay, you updated! I do look forward to your posts, despite my tendency to lurk because I don't like commenting just for the sake of commenting. It's really good to hear of your ever-improving health, and I wish I could be more there for you. Btw, the reason why I wanted to meet up with you quickly when I returned from Israel was because I got something there for you. Now it's just languishing in my bedroom, so I'm looking forward to hopefully not forgetting to bring it when we plan to see each other several weeks from now.

P.S. If even you, with your numerous talents and insuppressible charisma, are experiencing difficulty in your current job search, times are truly hard indeed.