Venting

Thought the worst was over, but it was just beginning.

Today was a really bad day. I don't like to classify entire days like that too much, because you only get so many and I like to find the good in as much as possible, but today, despite it's good moments, sucked major ass.

First, I woke up (like usual since mid-August) in terrible pain. The kind where you just think, forget it. Nothing is worth getting out of bed today. But then you realize that laying down isn't particularly comfortable either, and you actually feel better as you get moving and the day rolls on.

So, I skype with Manolis (bright spot in the day), then shower. Then (and here's one of those low, felling sorry for myself moments. They're rare, but they happen.), I went to wash my face, but I couldn't. My hands were so weak and hurt so badly that I could not squeeze the bottle hard enough to get any facewash out of it. I tried everything. Sitting it on the corner of the sink and leaning on it, biting it, pushing it up against my jaw with my wrist. And I realized that I could not do it; I could not wash my face. How much more of a mundane, routine task could there be? And I couldn't accomplish it.

So I sat on the floor and cried.

Like that was going to help anything.

Got to work at the coffee shop. Found out I had to work another promo shift tonight. Ok, cool. Thought that was all behind me, but whatever. As long as they were cool with me coming down when my other job was over, what was the big deal?

Well, without disclosing too many details, the night was awful. NO ONE wanted what I was handing out. I needed a relatively large number of names. The bars were all dead (because it's Monday). And they had all been hit by other reps already anyway because I got down there later than everyone else.

So, in a moment of desperation I texted my boss, boss. Not my team leader, but my above that person boss. Stupid. No response and I'm sure I just annoyed her. I ended up leaving around midnight with half the names I needed. Completely depressed that I failed at what I was assigned to do. Stressed that I may have pissed people off. Scared that it could potentially threaten my future at this job. And irritated that I am out doing a job that is not technically what I was hired for on a night I don't work without fair warning or any support.

Bad day.

On top of everything else, there are so many people I want to hang out with, catch up with, or call who I just haven't because I've been running like crazy and I feel terrible about it. Who wants to be a bad friend to the people they care about.

Oh, and my car (the one that just got a $3,100 repair. No I'm not kidding.) has been making a noise since I picked it up from the shop on Thursday, so it's going back in tomorrow morning. And they better fix whatever is wrong without charging me if they know what's good for them, because I am a woman on fire just looking for the wrong person to mess with me.

So, as promised, this is nothing but some mindless venting. But I needed it and am pretty unapologetic for it at this point. Just sorry if you read it all. Maybe next time I'll offer up some thoughtful insight on existence and the universe.

Money, Money, Money...MONEY!

Working like crazy right now. Covering shifts for Crazy Mocha (oh yeah, I work there) and then there are the crazy shifts for the other job due to the G20 suck-it as I've taken to calling it. So, basically, here's the rundown.

Work promo gig Friday night til 1am, Crazy Mocha 8-4, promo 9-1, then again with the coffee shop today 3-9:30. After I close here I have to go somewhere (anywhere) to do yet another promo shift, and get done as soon as I get my numbers, but on a Sunday night who knows when that will be...then Crazy Mocha tomorrow and Tuesday 4-close, with promo starting again Wednesday night.

Blah, what a week.

And, even given all of that, I'll actually be making less money than usual because we're not making up all of the hours that we missed Wednesday and Thrusday due to G20. Grrrr...

So, that's what's up. I'll take it though. Honestly, when I think back to the Comm Dept at CU, I'll take working two part time jobs with a Master's Degree. Whatev. Anything's better than being out there.

That said, I do miss so many people. I can't wait for Amanda to come visit (October 16th!!), and I honestly would love to go back for a visit sometime. I'm sure Boulder could be quite enjoyable without the stress of the department. =) Would like to experience that.

Giving a lot of thought to my life and the process in general. Obviously the level of cliche-ity of the phrase "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" is off the charts. However, the accuracy of that statement is not to be messed with. I am the biggest appreciator of life ever. Hands down. But never, ever did I (nor could I) truely appreciate waking up each morning without pain. Every day is a struggle now. Simple tasks seem daunting. And even things I look forward to (going to visit Manolis in October!!! =D) are met with at least some hesitation as I wonder how well I'll be and how much I'll really be able to do "normal" things.

It's really discouraging to know how well I was in June and July then to totally relapse in August for seemingly no reason and with no improvement in sight. I have lost no hope. I have great resolve that I will be well again, but the daily grind can certainly get to you at times.

In the meantime, those able should come and visit me at Crazy Mocha in Cranberry! =) What in the world would you rather be doing?