As an Answer to Your Questions

So, yes, I got the SAT job. Yay! It is, unfortunately, not an answer to all the money issues and job searches, as it is not a full-time salaried position. Here's what it is.

The Princeton Review is in no way affiliated with Princeton, the really good university. It is, however, a prestigious standardized-test prep company with offices in every major US city. (It's Kaplan's biggest competition, if you're familiar with them.) I've been certified as an SAT prep instructor (provisionally...how it works is, you do the training and see if you're a good enough teacher, which I did very well. You also need to score at least a 700 on each section of the new SAT, and I need to score higher on my math section before I am 100% ready to go). With this certification, I can bid to teach courses (the schedule goes up and you put in requests for which ones you want to teach), tutor private students, proctor exams, and grade essays. All of which pays really well.

So, my plan is to proctor and grade to my little heart's desire now through July. I got one of those temporary Census jobs which starts the last week in April and goes through June. That will take up most of my time for those two months, especially considering I am still doing Camel and Crazy Mocha. (Yes, I have four jobs. Yay Master's degree.) Then I am going to visit Manolis in Cyprus (god and bank account willing) in July for a few weeks. The plan is to then start the SAT teaching full force as fall is their really busy season.

So, that's the job update. Thanks all of you for your support and positivity. I appreciate it more than you know.

Keepin' It Real

I feel an apology for my extended absence would serve no real purpose as my posts have become seemingly more and more infrequent, and--let's be honest--no one is exactly salivating in anticipation for the next daily vanity installment.

So here I am, two full months into a new year and a new decade with a lot more promise than the last (year, at least). With a diagnosis of my illness came new found hope and a reenergization that was greatly needed to say the least. Under treatment, my pain has largely subsided, and even though two months in there continue to be good and bad days, I am thankful for being able to get out of bed in the morning tear free. The promise of a full recovery is there. It can't come fast enough.

Partial reason for the lack of postings has been health (specifically blah) related, but there's some fun excuses too, like the fact that Manolis has been spending the past three weeks with me! I've barely parted from him enough to make a phone call or update the facebook. The only reason I'm finding myself with time to fill right now is that I'm working at the Cranberry Crazy Mocha and he's hijacked my car to watch the Arsenal (his football club) at Piper's Pub in the South Side. He departs Tuesday and even though I am sad to see him go, especially because the dates of my next visit to see him are up in the air, there is some comfort in the knowledge that with better health comes greater responsibility and expectation. I need to use this time to get into gear, bust ass, and land a decent paying job.

The job search is so depressing. Apply, apply, apply and not even so much as a rejection. Did you get my resume? Apparently you do need to hire someone since you don't even have enough manpower to forward a prepared rejection notice. Fuck.

I really have a lot to be thankful for, though, even in the employment department. You see, I'm on a very strict budget and I need to make a specific (and somewhat astronomical given the circumstances) amount of cash a month to keep the bill collectors at bay. Between the student loans rollin' in (and f u Sallie Mae), the car payment skyrocketing after that major repair resulting in me taking out a greater loan, and the debt of good times past, I'm barely making it by the skin of my teeth. That said, the moment my hours get cut at my good paying job, the lesser gig steps up and needs me working more hours. I'm not cruising comfortably in the search for a career, but I am making it. And that's saying a lot.

Sometimes I am amazed at the sheer amount of thinking the human mind can accommodate. Between worrying about my health and just remembering all of the things I have to do related to it (don't even get me started on insurance companies), finances, job search, relationships, etc., I still find the time to reflect on my age and the passing seasons of one's life. Yeah, you're right, cut through the bs. What I'm saying is all my friends and family are getting married and having babies--all of them. And it's not freaking me out, and it's not making me feel like that's what I need to be doing. But it is making me think. A lot. And about a lot of things. The passing of time is relentless; all succumb to its power. I just hope I'm doing the best with what I've got because one thing is for sure, there are no sure things. And there's especially no second chance for your use of time. I worry about being caught up in the minor details that are practically designed to suck the life out of you. It's a shame things are the way that they are. We really do work so hard and certainly not only professionally. I just hope there's a good return...

Milestone

Busy little beaver me has allowed a major even in my life to breeze by without so much as a word on the blog.

Last Monday, January 11th, after over a year of wondering, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Finally I know what is wrong with me. Finally, a little clarity.

Perhaps it's fitting and even a little kind of fate to have the onset of this disease and its diagnosis happen in two Januaries a year apart. It allows me to reflect on my struggles with it in a somewhat easier manner, compartmentalizing 2009 as a year of ups and downs.

Think about it. The Steelers win their 6th Super Bowl, the Penguins return for a Stanley Cup rematch and walk away the victors in a season I began with them across an ocean. I finished my Master's degree despite turmoil and near depression. My mom got a job, a good job, and I moved home to Pittsburgh--much desired and deserved! I traveled to Denmark and Las Vegas (several times) and met the man of my dreams who also landed me in London and all new territories when it comes to partners and companionship.

But, the counter to these great things was heavy and at times nearly unbearable. They say you aren't handed more than you can handle. I say, define handle.

I suffered pain I'd never know with little rest or reprieve. I couldn't sleep through the night and was terrified for an entire semester that there was no possible way I could pass my comprehensive exams in that condition. I had my palms injected so that my fingers would work so I could type my answers for my comps questions and my final papers. I did not miss a single day of teaching, and only one class, and that was not because of pain, but due to the effects of taking vicodin for the first time, which did not ease my aching in the least. Many days I could not tie my shoes, turn the ignition in my car, or get myself ready in the morning. I had good days, but all these seemed to do was undermine my position as those people who saw me said, she's not really sick.

Through all of this, the most painful thing has been knowing that there are people--even people close to me--who simply do not understand. They think I am weak, the pain's not really that bad. They think I am pity seeking, who wouldn't take advantage? They think I'm a liar, what could be that bad? It hurt so much and really, always will.

But I am grateful. Very grateful. Because I know what it's like now. And you cannot unless you've been there. You can't know what it feels like to miss your friend's goodbye party or go to bed at 10 when you're on vacation, or be embarrassed to try and open a water bottle in front of people you don't know very well until you've been there. I always thought I understood. Watching my dad with rheumatoid all my life. Seeing his struggle. I thought I was pretty empathetic, that I got it more than most.

No, no I didn't. But I do now. And I will forever have that perspective that is, to me, invaluable. I'll take all the good I can get.

Long December...

...and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.

How true.

December was good though. Very good. Manolis spent the entire month with me--almost. He ducked out on Christmas Eve in an effort to spend some semblance of time with his family in Cyprus for the holidays. But, while he was here, we really enjoyed the time that we had. Pens game, shopping, Mo-town visit, meeting every friend and family member I could squeeze into a 20 day stay, eating out, cherishing each other's company. Yes, yes. A very nice time.

Now I'm trying to not worry too much about how long it will be until I see him again, and buckle down to get my finances in order in the next year, and focus on my health, and on my upcoming mini-adventure in Miami! =)

That's right, Wednesday I'll be heading to the Sunshine State to take in some New Year's mischief, a Pens game or two, the final Steeler game of the regular season, and some much desired warmth and relaxation.

Only a brief update. I just got off work and it's late. More to come. Check out photos!

London, England

For the first time in my life I can actually say that I needed a vacation.

And I got one.

Manolis and I had the most wonderful time. We spent every waking moment together, joined at the hip. I got to meet his brother and his brother's girlfriend, who Manolis lives with. We ate at this delightful vegetarian restaurant called Tibits (so adorable!), went to Bristol--home of his alma mater--for a day, saw Wicked, visited the Absolut Ice Bar, went to great pubs and exotic restaurants, took funny, touristy photos, and just genuinely enjoyed enjoyed each other's company.

It was the nicest 9 days I've had in a while. And with working 7 days a week, and all the pain and health bs lately, it was even nicer to have that much deserved break.

Now I'm jut looking forward to his visit in December!!! =)

Chillin' with No Make-up On

On the front porch with my dad, just hanging out. Thought I would take a picture for the fun of it since I never use my computer's camera and I also remarkably do not look like shit even though I just rolled out of bed today.

I feel absolutely terrible. One of the bad days. I think I should start dedicating this blog to chronicling the battle with my illness. Each day a new adventure. Or just start a new one for that sole purpose.

Everything is swollen, everything hurts. Sharp pain in my shoulders, weakness and aching in my extremities.

Autoimmune diseases can suck it, that's what I say.

In one of my more pathetic moments, I woke up today to a text from Manolis and just started bawling, but I didn't know if it was because I was sad that he is so far away or that I am 24 years old and in too much pain to reply to his message.

All in all, wasn't the best morning, but at least I felt better after a phone call this afternoon. =)

It's All Greek To Me

You have to experience the valleys to appreciate the peaks.

Well, coming off this weekend I plummeted from my mountain top like a kamikaze pilot in his final descent.

Today was the hardest. I am going to tell myself that today was the hardest. It doesn't get worse from here, only better.

But how do you pick up the pieces when nothing has shattered?

I don't believe in fate. I don't believe in a plan. But I do believe in good things happening. Period. That's what happened to me, a good, good thing.

A good, good thing that has left me in a sad, sad place. And, because I am strong, I smile because it happened...

...but the tears do stream as well.