Nudder Tuesday

Got my comps paper back. So, I'm done with that. It's good. Done and done.

Now, 75 papers to grade, 2 papers to revise, finals to grade.

Then I'm REALLY done.

May 8th is only 17 days away!!!

Looking so forward to moving home, and Denmark, and summer, and a job, and NOT HAVING TO DO ANYTHING SCHOOL RELATED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 18 YEARS, and getting healthy, and grocery shopping, and learning French, and cooking, and golfing, and biking, and spending good time with my family, and getting a fish, and rearranging my room, and reading stuff I want to, and going to half off, and dressing up and getting cocktails, and being in Pittsburgh, and Las Vegas for the NHL awards, and Pirates games...this list could go on forever.

Beautiful.

Keep On Truckin'

A provisional pass. My defense was weak, apparently. But, I really don't know what went wrong. They didn't tell me anything other than that I have to provide a paper to them before the end of the semester in order to completely finish comps. They didn't say what was weak or missing. All they did was say that I needed to better communicate the important aspects of the theories. But I don't know what answer was weak. I don't know if the writing or the defense or both were not good enough. I just don't know.

What I do know is that I sat in disbelief initially when I had to take that in. I also know that what was to be the day that relieved me of all this stress that's been accumulating just became the day that added twice as much.

I'm disappointed and discouraged, but I can't say that I feel that way about myself. I should have asked for an extension on the exam. Getting essentially diagnosed with diseases of the immune system on day one of comps and then just powering on through definitely took its toll on the final products. Also, dealing with the symptoms of this all semester--the severe pain, sleeplessness, and side-effects of Vicodin--didn't help the preparation either.

This really has been the worst three months of my life, soon to be four. No one here cares about me as a person, only as a machine that needs to produce an acceptable product. And you know, I could scold myself for not explicitly asking for help through all of this when it wasn't offered to me freely, but when you already know that nobody cares why would you open yourself up for more heartbreak?

Ultimately, this will be fine. I have to write an extra paper. I graduate and didn't fail anything. But, you know, the only thing I will leave graduate school with is complicated health and lowered self-esteem. I can honestly say I hate it here and everyone who knows me knows that this is not a shallow vent over frustration related to comps. Some of the people I have met here, and certainly the environment as a whole, are the coldest, least compassionate, and most lacking in social graces I have ever encountered.

It goes back to the words to live by: If you're satisfied with anything [CU's Comm Dept], you're just too stupid to know better.

I booked my trip to Denmark today, though. And that I am excited for.

Spring Break Has Kinda Begun

So, I'm not in the clear. I still have the oral defense of my comps, I'm not sure how I did on them, and there's the rest of the semester to worry about. I also haven't just breathed out this huge sigh of relief or anything either. My health stuff is still an issue and I've been so tightly wound over all of this that just relaxing is hard.

But, I doooooo feel a 1,000 times better and with comps out of the way (at least the prepping for them) I feel like I can put my energy and attention to other purposes now, which is nice.

I have some grading to do before I skedaddle outta here to LAS VEGAS on Sunday (eeeeaaaarrrly Sunday). Other than that, I'm pretty much done with work till I get back. I'm certainly not getting a jumpstart on all the stuff to come. Screw that; I've been working hard enough.

Last night was delightful. After class, Amanda and I went to Baker's Street Pub. We had way too many wings, two margaritas and an Irish Car Bomb in honor of St. Patrick. ;) I also made a complete fool out of myself in front of one of the band members who were playing. Wireless guitars are really tricky sometimes...

Anyway, feeling a lot better overall. Hoping for brighter posts in the future!

Done With Comps

I finished my comprehensive exams today And, there's no guarantees until the oral defense on April 1st, but I actually think I passed. =)

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I got a nice life for the price

Day one is done. 2 questions down, 1 to go.

I'm waiting to go to the doctor right now. Getting an injection in my finger, the one where the tendon doesn't like to fit comfortably through the tunnel it's supposed to anymore. Such nice timing all of this. The one thing I need to be able to do is type non-stop from around 6 tonight through 10:30 tomorrow, but I need to get AN INJECTION IN MY FINGER.

::sigh::

In all seriousness, I would write a memoir, but everyone would just say it was contrived.

Happy Pi Day!

Here's to 3.14!

Whole Foods has what is in my opinion by far the best celebratory strategy for this day: Free Pie!

Key lime, chocolate somethin-or-other, chicken pot, the list goes on.

Two days till day one of comps. Working hard and stuffs.

3 days...

Taking a no comps day as it is prospective student weekend and there are activities planned all day for the little buggers.

I gots no problems with it. Free breakfast, introductions, free lunch, colloquium, Jill's happy hour, then whatever trouble we can get into on Pearl. Sounds good to me.

Tomorrow entails finishing every last piece of writing associated with comps prep.

Sunday is an all-out memorizing extravaganza of my theory answer.

The schedule goes something like this once the process begins:

Monday
9-10:30am question 1 (theory)
10:30-1:30 memorize/study notes for method question (can't prepare an answer for this one, as you don't get the question in advance)
1:30-3pm question 2 (method)
3pm-as long as it takes memorize rhet & rel answer

Tuesday
9-10:30 question 3 (rhet & rel)
10:30-rest of the year RELAX

Really?

Can we just talk about the fact that I will finish my comps on St. Patty's Day and defend April Fool's Day?

Whoever is writing the script to my life is not funny.

I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cow bell.

Actually, no fever to speak of. But I do have chronic, mystery aching, numbness, stiffness, and weakness pretty much throughout my entire body now. And, a lovely problem with the tendon in my left middle finger.

Sooo...finally my doctor (after 7 weeks and that many visits) has referred me to a specialist, specifically a rheumatoligist. And, lucky me, I wasn't able to get in till the 20th, but between my mom's relentlessness and a cancellation, I'm going tomorrow at 2. So, if you would, think happy thoughts, or say a prayer, or whatever you do. Thanks.

Also, comping Monday the 16th. Oh happy day. Met with my adviser, Pete, today and, though he did make me feel a little better about things, I'm still totally stressed out (I'm sure that's having no negative affect on my health) and just absolutely can't wait for this all to be over.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

The Countdown is On

COMPS: March 16th and 17th

Working on finishing up the answer to question one this week, question two over the weekend, and question 3 the weekend before the big day(s).

I can so totally do this.


In the meantime, I'm going to see the doctor for the 7th time in about 3 weeks today. I haven't really been writing anything about this, but I've had mystery aching in my muscles and joints mainly in my hands, wrists, arms, and shoulders. This has been accompanied by mystery numbness in my hands. The doctors can't figure out what it is, even thought I've had blood test after blood test. This weekend it's taken a turn for the worst as the aching has spread to my toes and ankles (the one recurring theme from the doctors being, well, as long as it's not in your feet and legs we're not too worried...), AND now the middle finger on my left hand is catching (like, the tendon inside) when I bend it.

Sooo...this means sleeping, typing, putting on clothes, just functioning has sucked for the past SEVEN weeks. Oh, that's right. That's how long it's been going on. I've just only been going to the doctor for about 3 because I didn't have insurance for the first month of school.

At this point, I'm just tyring to get through it, get my Comps done, and make it to Spring Break.