discontent

There is a part of me that is excited to get back to Boulder. It's strange. Well, I guess it would be strange if I were just straight up excited to get back into the grad school grove, and be away from the 'burgh--but that is definitely not the case. Really, I'm looking forward to being in my own place again, with a gym and a schedule. Having my own dishes to clean and bed to make (or not).

I like being on my own a lot; I always have. Really, I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to: having my own place and job and life in Pittsburgh. But that's at least a year away and so Boulder will have to do for now.

It's funny, I am having quite a delightful summer--adventures and joy abound--but I am also feeling a little like I'm in purgatory. Just killing the summer while I await my fate of the second year of a Master's--which, as I said before I'm not totally dreading. But the promise of comprehensive exams is a killer. Thank goodness for going out with my friends, following bands on tour, and skipping off to sexy cities.

Oh, you wouldn't know about that, because it hasn't happened yet. But, the hope is to get off to visit the fam in Florida (Vero Beach, to be exact), to NYC for Justin (and Bridie!) time, and then--this is the long shot but here's hoping--off to Vegas for some alone time, partying it up, and perhaps even getting in to see American Steel and The Fashion again (and Alkaline Trio, I suppose, but whatever. Who likes the headliner anyway? That's so cliche).

23 years and a day

I am growing up, and the occasion of yesterday has little to do with that realization. Rather, the thoughts that occupy my mind, my outlook on the world, the ways I spend my time, and the dreams I have for the future. I am torn at the moment, among three possible paths to embark on after graduation this upcoming May (and I will be graduating, damn it).

Here we are:

A. 6 months of travel, irresponsible spending, and delight up until my half a year student loan grace comes to a close, at which point I begin a year long Americorps program in a desirable-to-live-in, major US city which would provide me with more life experience and perspective, a modest, yet livable stipend, further deferring of the student loan payback, and $5,000 towards them.

B. New York, New York. Here's the bottom line: I want to be a singing waitress. Just for a time, you know, no more than say 2 years. I want to reside in NYC again, work to live, and just be young and fabulous--not that I'm not that already. Let's be honest. Ellen's Stardust Diner is not particularly beloved by its long-time employees, but I feel that could be largely due to the fact that its nothing more than a holding pattern for Hollywood hopefuls. That would not be the case for me. It would be the reason for being there rather than a means to an end, and really, I have a throbbing desire to do this.

C. Real World. No, not the MTV drama that's really just become so asinine that it's difficult to watch. I mean entering grown up time. Move back to the 'burgh (where I ultimately want to end up regardless) and begin the whole career thing. I gotta be honest, I want money. I want a place, a life, a social network, a permanent residence. Adulthood, complete with health care and a 9-5 is pretty appealing, especially given how much I have come to despise the nature of higher education (that is, never clocking out, but always needing to be doing something more). I have connections to get interviews at pretty much the organization of my choice through a friend of my mom's, and I would hate to pass up the opportunity that could hand me my long term dreams...

So really, option C is a definite (at this point), it's just a matter of whether or not I wish to postpone it. If I go with A (the lease likely, I'll be honest) or B my "connection" could not be around when I get back from gallivanting across the world. But, if I start at C, A and B fade into oblivion. Can't start a career and turn it off while you go and live out your near forgotten days of old.

So what to do? I have just shy of a year to figure it all out. Wish me luck. Hell, give advice.

Another pic from last night. After midnight counts.