I am growing up, and the occasion of yesterday has little to do with that realization. Rather, the thoughts that occupy my mind, my outlook on the world, the ways I spend my time, and the dreams I have for the future. I am torn at the moment, among three possible paths to embark on after graduation this upcoming May (and I will be graduating, damn it).
Here we are:
A. 6 months of travel, irresponsible spending, and delight up until my half a year student loan grace comes to a close, at which point I begin a year long Americorps program in a desirable-to-live-in, major US city which would provide me with more life experience and perspective, a modest, yet livable stipend, further deferring of the student loan payback, and $5,000 towards them.
B. New York, New York. Here's the bottom line: I want to be a singing waitress. Just for a time, you know, no more than say 2 years. I want to reside in NYC again, work to live, and just be young and fabulous--not that I'm not that already. Let's be honest. Ellen's Stardust Diner is not particularly beloved by its long-time employees, but I feel that could be largely due to the fact that its nothing more than a holding pattern for Hollywood hopefuls. That would not be the case for me. It would be the reason for being there rather than a means to an end, and really, I have a throbbing desire to do this.
C. Real World. No, not the MTV drama that's really just become so asinine that it's difficult to watch. I mean entering grown up time. Move back to the 'burgh (where I ultimately want to end up regardless) and begin the whole career thing. I gotta be honest, I want money. I want a place, a life, a social network, a permanent residence. Adulthood, complete with health care and a 9-5 is pretty appealing, especially given how much I have come to despise the nature of higher education (that is, never clocking out, but always needing to be doing something more). I have connections to get interviews at pretty much the organization of my choice through a friend of my mom's, and I would hate to pass up the opportunity that could hand me my long term dreams...
So really, option C is a definite (at this point), it's just a matter of whether or not I wish to postpone it. If I go with A (the lease likely, I'll be honest) or B my "connection" could not be around when I get back from gallivanting across the world. But, if I start at C, A and B fade into oblivion. Can't start a career and turn it off while you go and live out your near forgotten days of old.
So what to do? I have just shy of a year to figure it all out. Wish me luck. Hell, give advice.
Another pic from last night. After midnight counts.