Venting

Thought the worst was over, but it was just beginning.

Today was a really bad day. I don't like to classify entire days like that too much, because you only get so many and I like to find the good in as much as possible, but today, despite it's good moments, sucked major ass.

First, I woke up (like usual since mid-August) in terrible pain. The kind where you just think, forget it. Nothing is worth getting out of bed today. But then you realize that laying down isn't particularly comfortable either, and you actually feel better as you get moving and the day rolls on.

So, I skype with Manolis (bright spot in the day), then shower. Then (and here's one of those low, felling sorry for myself moments. They're rare, but they happen.), I went to wash my face, but I couldn't. My hands were so weak and hurt so badly that I could not squeeze the bottle hard enough to get any facewash out of it. I tried everything. Sitting it on the corner of the sink and leaning on it, biting it, pushing it up against my jaw with my wrist. And I realized that I could not do it; I could not wash my face. How much more of a mundane, routine task could there be? And I couldn't accomplish it.

So I sat on the floor and cried.

Like that was going to help anything.

Got to work at the coffee shop. Found out I had to work another promo shift tonight. Ok, cool. Thought that was all behind me, but whatever. As long as they were cool with me coming down when my other job was over, what was the big deal?

Well, without disclosing too many details, the night was awful. NO ONE wanted what I was handing out. I needed a relatively large number of names. The bars were all dead (because it's Monday). And they had all been hit by other reps already anyway because I got down there later than everyone else.

So, in a moment of desperation I texted my boss, boss. Not my team leader, but my above that person boss. Stupid. No response and I'm sure I just annoyed her. I ended up leaving around midnight with half the names I needed. Completely depressed that I failed at what I was assigned to do. Stressed that I may have pissed people off. Scared that it could potentially threaten my future at this job. And irritated that I am out doing a job that is not technically what I was hired for on a night I don't work without fair warning or any support.

Bad day.

On top of everything else, there are so many people I want to hang out with, catch up with, or call who I just haven't because I've been running like crazy and I feel terrible about it. Who wants to be a bad friend to the people they care about.

Oh, and my car (the one that just got a $3,100 repair. No I'm not kidding.) has been making a noise since I picked it up from the shop on Thursday, so it's going back in tomorrow morning. And they better fix whatever is wrong without charging me if they know what's good for them, because I am a woman on fire just looking for the wrong person to mess with me.

So, as promised, this is nothing but some mindless venting. But I needed it and am pretty unapologetic for it at this point. Just sorry if you read it all. Maybe next time I'll offer up some thoughtful insight on existence and the universe.