Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Just a simple girl...

I'm just a simple girl, with great expectations. I'm passionate which a lot of times means I'm dramatic. I like to talk to myself, and about myself, which is probably why I broadcast my thoughts, feelings, and activities to the world (well, anybody who will read them). I like Boulder, minimally, and really appreciate the time I've been given here. I worry about finances more often than anything else, and worry about relationships more than anything else. Ironically, the constant preoccupation with the first has been known to lead to issues with the latter on occasion. I have great parents who I don't want to let down. I love my Religion and Media class, but it depresses me at times because I realize that if I had chosen a better graduate department I would be going into a PhD program next year instead of wondering where in the world I'll be and how I will pay for school and all the good times I've been having. I have few regrets--all of them are related to unintentionally hurting someone I care about. I've rarely regretted times when I've intentionally hurt someone, and I'm not sure what that says about me. I wonder what I can't do and really enjoy pushing myself to discover new things I can. I believe in God. I don't have to question, consider, or wonder about that; it's just there, like a pulse. But I don't understand religion, I resent my past obsession with it, and I despise being held to standards representative of a morality I do not subscribe to. I like to be sarcastic and sharp with people. People who are offended by this humor make me very insecure and I will try and overcompensate for that by neutralizing my personality when around them and talking too much about myself. I really, truly hate it when people don't understand me, and I am inclined to believe that it happens with me a lot because I so greatly desire to be understood that I go to great lengths to explain my positions, only for those efforts to be in vain as it usually has the opposite effect. I love traveling. I love traveling. I don't like that everyone lists their interest as "travel" because they don't do it. I need to be reassured and validated a lot or I become moody and uncomfortable. I am no where close to perfect and in theory I know that people are alright with that, but in practice that doesn't seem so much to be the case. I wish there were a word that's meaning fell somewhere between "lucky" and "blessed" so that I could use it to describe my sentiment regarding my life. I have friends, both in quality and quantity, that are paralleled by few. Nothing of significance has ever not worked out for me. My family is somewhat severed, but beautiful nonetheless. My grandparents were the making of legends and my childhood a story template for a Norman Rockwell painting. I have experienced more in my 23 years than most ever will in a lifetime. I have personal qualities that I cannot take credit for developing myself, but for which I am very thankful. Lastly, my parents were most certainly hand selected for me by the God who I so undoubtedly believe in, and I have been known to, on occasion, break down in tears being so overwhelmed by the blessing.

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