Sunday, December 28, 2008

What a Time

This break has certainly been a time of ups and downs. It started off rough with me drawing fights from my parents due to a severe level of stress brought on by a high pressure end to the semester. Things took a phenomenal turn for the best, however, starting Christmas Eve and lasting through this evening, with a traditional church visit, going to Eddie's, a lovely gift exchange with my folks, Friday night FOX Japan show and high school buddy reunion in Wheeling, and my first Pens home game Saturday with friends I met in Stockholm.

Then today, completely unnecessary drama brought about by a total misunderstanding between my mom, dad, and I. Details are less important, but ultimately I have such a feeling of hopelessness and desperation at this point that I really understand how people lose the thirst to get up each day. Basically I arrived at a place this evening where it seemed that the thing that matters most to me and that I work the hardest at can simply not go well, despite all of my efforts. And if that's the case--if I can't keep together the one thing that is most important--than what's really the point with struggling my whole life trying to make everything work?

It was an extremely disheartening night. There is simply nothing closer to my heart than both of my parents and I can hardly bear any tension or hard feelings among us. But it's ever-present and seemingly habitual, and so I'm down and lost and really, really reaching right now.

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