Sunday, May 9, 2010

Dopple-dumbass

After being told this week alone that I look "exactly" like three different celebrities, I decided to compile a comprehensive list of all of those dopplegangers I have out there. Of course, the hilarity of this is that I look nothing like a single one of these girls. Although, I will say, since the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school, I have been told I look like "the girl from That 70's Show" over 700 times. All of the others were only one instance each. I included descriptions of the encounters as I recall them.

Lauren Ambrose, 6 Feet Under
I have to say, if there is one of these that has a hint of truth, it's this one. Unfortunately this observation came from the creepy, extremely off-putting, negative, nosy, douche-bag photographer from the wedding I worked last night. He insisted his name was Pervis, but considering the rest of his character, I had serious doubts that he gave me a real name. (Although, admittedly, "Pervis" was a fitting title.)

Diane Lane
Ok, so this one's going back a few years. Probably the woman out of this lineup I look like the least, I was handed this compliment while relaxing in the public hot tub at Myrtle Beach two summers ago. The lady with poor vision seemed relatively sane, other than her clear failure at facial recognition.


Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Possibly the most flattering out of these choices, this Dicker-double (you like that?) has the obvious consistent trait of red locks. Outside of this, I'm not seeing it (but I'll take it). Thanks to Carrie...I think that's who said it, at least. It was definitely in the past week and my tired, feeble brain is telling me it happened at the Cage while chilling with Ethan and Lydia.


Mandy Moore
Now, before you scoff, yes, clearly I do not look like this woman. However, I'll be a little generous to the man in my church choir my senior year of high school who pointed out the "likeness" by saying that we both do have a rounded face and chipmunk like cheeks. Not buying? Ok, whatever.


Ariel, The Little Mermaid
Really, I was born to be a mermaid. Let's be honest. I'm not turning out to be particularly marketable in the real world, but I have red hair, fair skin, little boobs, and can sing. Booyah. (I can't recall anyone in particular saying I look like Ariel, but we'll just call this one a mulligan.)

Laura Pepron, That 70's Show
Here it is. I don't think any single person has been told they look like someone else more than I have "the girl from That 70's Show." The best part of this one (and the Mad Men and 6 Feet Under gals as well, but not nearly as funny since I was only called them once) is that for years I was told I looked like this red-head, but had never seen the show. So I just assumed that I actually looked like this person, since 700 strangers can't be wrong. Then one day I decided to take the Google image route and check out the validity of these claims. Much to my surprise (dismay?) I look close to zero, zip, nada like this lady. I mean, yes, the red hair is there, but other than that...I don't know what to say. She has thin, nearly exotic looking eyes; mine are essentially silver dollars. Her nose is sleek and pointy; mine is, well, not. I guess you could say we have the same nose, mine just got smashed into a plate-glass window and stayed that way. And her face shape isn't even similar: Her's is a definite heart; mine, as was aforementioned, rounded. Thus, my conclusion is that people see red heads as they are stereotyped to see other races: they all look alike. Here's to ignorance! ;)

So, there you have it, or me, I should say. All my little (not) look-a-likes. I should also mention that not a damn one of these came up when I did that "My Heritage" doppleganger software thing. I'm not putting much faith in that program either, however, as all of the matches it produced were either African American or Asian.

Yes, Asian.

1 comment:

cdls said...

You forgot Scarlett Johanesson!